Accepting an assignment from God’s hand and simultaneously longing for it to end is often the human condition and doesn’t surprise or irritate our Father.
I said, “I will guard the course of my life lest I offend my God with my tongue. O Lord, help me not speak words of complaint against you regarding your assignment for me. I wouldn’t want people to hear me and begin to question your goodness.”
But when I remained absolutely silent, saying nothing either good or bad, the heat within me became a burning fire. I thought carefully about what I wanted to say, then these were my words: “O Jehovah, remind me that life is but a fleeting breath, a sigh too brief to measure. Even though fleeting, I don’t want my life to be meaningless. I know I am frail, totally dependent upon you. All my expectations are in you.
“You are my defender who delivers me from condemnation and prevents the foolish from making a laughingstock of me. My current situation is your assignment, no accident, no whim of nature. I feel undone, consumed by the weight of this assignment. Please bring it to an end.
“When with rebuke you chastise me for my sinfulness, you cause all life’s benefits to melt away like a flitting moth. Surely I am only a vapor.
“Please hear me, Lord. Don’t turn a deaf ear to me. I feel like a total stranger to you. Please remove your intense inspection of me and my sinfulness. Strengthen me once again or I die.”
– Personalized from the original Hebrew